RSS

Tag Archives: Thoughts

Thoughts

My official break starts this weekend … Official and indefinite … I had given my resignation about a month back and in exactly 2 days I would be out of my job … And in a market which is so down that there are scarcely any jobs available … Scary isn’t it ? I am now almost petrified and extremely nervous … But I won’t go back on my decision…

When I gave my resignation I was excited to be free and out of the place that I hated so much … But later on I started asking myself was it soooo bad? What if I don’t get another job soon? If I can’t handle politics in this office how would I ever manage in a bigger office ? What if the problem is me? Such questions kept cropping here and there in my mind but were superimposed and mixed with the excitement of all the things I can do in the free time I get … So one moment I was depressed and scared & in the next instant I was excited … I was an emotional pendulum going from this end to the other almost constantly.

I wondered if resigning from the job I hated without any backup plan was cowardly? Was quitting something really that bad ? But as I started thinking I realised that for me letting go of something was a problem . That’s the reason this was difficult …I have been working at this office for the last three years … Two of which were enjoyable and the last one was miserable … I kept hanging on and hoping things would get better if I put in a lot of effort … But things in office were beyond repair and all that was happening was it took a lot from me without giving me anything in return leaving me frustrated and unhappy .With this sad feelings came up a sort of compulsion to fix things and make them right and thus began the endless circle leaving me drained and miserable.

When I gave my resignation I realise I broke that circle , that compulsion to make things right …So I didn’t quit … I was strong enough to let go and make peace with the fact that something’s cant be fixed and you should just let them be …

Also by taking such a decision I am going to face a much bigger challenge that being home alone without a specific routine .Work for me was more than just a part or me it was almost my identity …It made me feel strong , independent and confident … It made me feel good about myself … But somewhere down the line I had forgotten that it was just one aspect of my life … It’s not the whole me … I need to find out the other sides of me …

So this break is going to be about discovering ME … I am going to embark on this journey to find out what is my real passion. I am nervous and scared and feel like begging somebody to please please give me a job but I am going to be strong .

I have to do this so that I come out and become a stronger person , a ME that I would be proud of .

20140306-093848.jpg

Advertisements
 
2 Comments

Posted by on March 6, 2014 in Miscellaneous

 

Tags: , ,

My Day Off

The last week and half has been extremely stress full as I had ranted about in my earlier post.Yesterday after office I decided enough is enough. I need time for myself.Time to relax ,enjoy and indulge.Coming home, I announced to my husband from now on I am on a mini break for one and half day.I am not going to do any of the usual household chores and do things my way only.He saw my face and realised I meant business and if he argued it would have resulted into a long bitter fight so he agreed.(Only after I promised to take his share of chores for two days after my mini break was over) And right then and there my break started.Yippeee

So right after dinner I went out for a long walk ,not worrying about dishes to be done(Haven’t been able to do that for the longest time). The whole day I am sitting in this cramped up office with artificial light and ventilation( I am thankful for the Ac in hot Mumbai summer) that I don’t get any fresh natural air at all. And being from a small town where you can still see stars in the sky at night unlike Mumbai ,I actually crave for such small pleasures.I went to the Jogger’s park nearby and walked on the circular track over and over again with so many unknown people.It’s like you are with a bunch of people ( so you are not alone) b ut still have your own space ( as you have no  obligation to listen or talk or generally make a conversation).I find this kind of walks a perfect time to sort your own mental issues.I actually find walks thereupatic.So after a nice hour long walk,I returned home physically exhausted but at peace.

When I woke up in the morning today (the usual time as my body did’nt know it was on break) I felt fresh,alive and excited; something that was not happening for a very long time.I called up my boss and told him I am taking a day off because I am sick.( Sick of him and the work I didn’t add) and suddenly I was free.Free for a day.Excitement.Loads of it.There were so many things I wanted to do. I didn’t know where to start.I got up to get pen and paper to make a list of things I wanted to do but then stopped midway as realised I don’t want to be all organised and disciplined (at least today) .I want to be impulsive and fun.

I started my fun day by going back to sleep with no alarms set to wake me up again.But then I guess my body is not used to such kind of indulgence and I woke up only an hour after I had gone off to sleep.Sheesh!!!!So sleeping during the day was crossed of my mental to do list(Yes!!!I made a mental list.Could’nt help it).Got up and read the newspaper leisurely for more than an hour.Lots of newspapers  actually.(Usually I hurriedly go through the newspaper’s headlines while having my morning cup of tea and that’s the only dose of daily news I get.)Suddenly I felt all good and knowledgable as crazy as that sounds

Hmmm still more than half a day left of fun time.I couldn’t get out of the house as I live pretty close to my work place and I dreaded the possibility of meeting someone from work when I had actually called in sick.So I had to enjoy my day at home only.Not so disappointing actually as it is extremely hot outside

So after a nice long bath,I settled in front of the Tv and watched two movies back to back munching on snacks the whole time.I  watched Adam Sandler’s ‘Anger Management’ and the horror flick ‘1408’.Anger Management was a typical Adam Sandler movie.Something that makes you laugh while you watch it but then forget about it very soon.Its not the kind of movie that makes you think or moves you in any way.Its a fun movie.Exactly what I needed.’1408′  was a scary movie that didn’t scare me at all.Maybe because I was watching it on a bright sunny afternoon with traffic noise for background.I continued watching it till the end only because I wanted to find out if the guy dies in the end or not.

The rest of my day (till now) was spent chatting with old friends,painting my nails bright and orange (that makes me happy),organizing some old photographs,playing computer games,re arranging my wardrobe etc.

Overall the day is well spent and I feel all relaxed,un-winded and fresh. And now I am waiting to welcome my Husband ,when he comes back from work with a big  bright smile on my face.

 
5 Comments

Posted by on April 18, 2012 in Random Thoughts

 

Tags: ,

My Rants

Feeling low.No nothing is wrong but everything seems to be.Work has even extremely stress full ,the whole last week for both me and the husband.With the increment time hopefully around the corner the boss makes us work our butts off.Extra work results in  longer working hours for both at the same time.That means both of us reach home bone tired and with enough irritation to make the tiniest arguments blow up into potentially explosive situations.Household chores which used to shared and looked at as ways of spending time together were pushed off as the other person’s responsibility. Ughhhhh!!

To add up to all this irritation is the IPL.Ok you must have guessed right now that I do not like cricket. I can tolerate it up to a certain level but now in my already pissed off mood ,my husband being glued to it while leaving me to do all the household chores doesn’t help.Watching the IPL quietly is his way of unwinding after a long and hard day at work but it surely works up my irritation up to the danger levels.I really can’t understand why our country has to play so much cricket?Don’t the cricketers need to relax ? Don’t the viewers get tired of watching?Apparently not because some people like my husband and dad can watch cricket 24/7 and still enjoy it.So we have this fights over the remote because I want to watch anything except cricket and for him it’s nothing but cricket.But sometime in the last few days I have given up my fight for the remote and now have some peace.

I realised I had wasted my energy fighting over the stupidest thing.The IPL keeps him so busy and in a happy mood that I can do my own thing without any interference at all.So now I chat up with old buddies.Share gossip with my girlfriends.Read a book peacefully without having to get up now and then to fetch something for the husband (Finally and thankfully).So with this new and happy realisation I have found out my own ways to unwind without biting off my husband’s head.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on April 18, 2012 in Random Thoughts

 

Tags: ,

Different Everyday

Everyday is new.Everyday I discover something new about me or the people around me.I have a fixed routine.I do almost the same things everyday ; but there is so much difference between yesterday,today and tomorrow.

Some discoveries amaze me like just yesterday I found out that my hair can amazingly pretty if brushed in a certain way ( I am a girl whose most days are bad hair days).Some time finding something about yourself is quite disappointing like the other day I realised that I do get scared when a stray dog growls at me( I used to believe that dogs no matter how big or small do not scare me)..but overall its fun discovering things.Its like you are on the journey that you do frequently but an unexpected surprise might come up on the next turn

I observe people around me.Sometimes I spend hours with them for days in a row and yet something they say or do comes up as a surprise.A girl who seemed to be afraid of everything stands up to an unreasonable boss with courage when nobody in the team dares.A boy who makes jokes and is the office clown can have a really sad story back at home.A really annoying boss can turn out to be a real softie when it comes to some things.
I started thinking about all this when the cleaning maid who comes to our office told me about herself.I have known her for about a year now. I usually reach office earlier than rest of my colleagues so it’s mostly her and me in the office at the start of the work day.And being the talkative person I am,I chat with her almost everyday.
One day I asked her if her parents were looking for a husband for her. She looked at me and said that she was married off at the age of fifteen to a man who was about 20 years elder to her in her village back at U.P.She didn’t know it was illegal or wrong at that time.The husband abused her and made her life miserable.Parents washed off their hands.So she stayed with him for two or three years then one day she read somewhere that getting married before 18 was a crime and that her husband could be lawfully punished for that.So she lodged a complaint.Fought a case against her husband and her parents; won it and then ran away to Mumbai to escape the wrath of her villagers.She now works as a maid to support herself. She hasn’t given up on love yet and hopes to find the right guy who would treat her like a queen.

I  had no words.Here was a girl I thought I knew and she had such a amazing story which I had no clue about.It came as a surprise.A nice one and I felt proud to know of such a brave girl and her optimistic approach towards life touched me.

That’s when I thought nothing is as it seems.No tomorrow can be predicted accurately .We can just plan,hope,wish or pray for things but then there is a higher power in action who makes everyday different for every person so that he/she can learn ,grow and live to be a better person.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 7, 2012 in Random Thoughts

 

Tags: ,

Sachin?God?

Yesterday by the time I got home my Husband was busy watching the first IPL match of the season. With his eyes glued to TV, he had no time to listen to my chatter. That itself annoyed me and my irritation was diverted to cricket. But then as usual I had no choice (I can’t help smiling when he makes that cute puppy doggy face to ‘patao’ me) I sat down beside him reading a book. I tried to give him company while blending in the background so as not to display my serious ignorance about the cricketing world.

After some time I heard the commentators repetitively say that the God of cricket is doing this, He is doing that. For an Indian like me who has grown up with people who worship cricket it was obvious that they were talking about Sachin Tendulkar. Somehow him being called God bothered me. No, not because I deny that he’s super awesome at his game.I am just against a human being being elevated to the level of God.

I believe that a human being is just a human being.He can be great at his work,kind or even the most amazing person in existence but not God.God, for me is a power ,more powerful than anything imaginable.Its a title that can never be taken by mortal stuck in the cycle of life and death.

I know ,here in India people worship cricket but is that fair? I mean even for cricketers…doesn’t the excessive pressure affect their game? When a sportsman is doing great he gets hyped up so much that either he starts thinking too much about himself or he gets bowed down by the pressure of expectations.But when he is down ,the so called fans just desert him.The whole thing seems so fake. That’s probably one of the reasons why I don’t follow cricket.

A respect worthy person , great at his work can be called a supreme ruler,king or an emperor or anything but not God.There is just one God.Let him be…

 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 5, 2012 in My take

 

Tags: , ,

Random Observations

  • Common sense is not so common.
  • The waiting period for rickshaw is directly proportional to weight of shopping bags in your hands.
  • Any kind of food that tastes delicious and looks amazing is not healthy for you.
  • Passport /Driving license photos are the worst pictures of you ever taken.
  • Bad decisions make good stories.
  • It s not the clothes that make you look fat …Its all you…
  • Fat people snore more than thin people…
  • People who snore usually fall asleep first.
  • The last few minutes of exams is the time when you remember most of the answers and there is hardly any time left to write.
  • Fact is stranger and more complex than fiction.
  • Growing older is compulsory….Growing up is optional….
  • It is generally very difficult to distinguish boredom and hunger.
  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  • Bitching & Gossip is one of the major stress busters for women of all ages.
  • People would be so much slimmer and healthier if they had to actually catch their own chicken before they cook and eat it.
  • The toughest part of dieting is not watching what you eat but watching what your friends eat.
 
1 Comment

Posted by on April 4, 2012 in Lists, Random Thoughts

 

Tags: ,

Talking and Me

This morning after a good night’s sleep, I was chirpy as a sparrow. An hour after hearing my nonstop blabber, my Husband looked at me and asked ‘ Ana, Don’t you think you talk a little too much?’That’s when I realized I actually do talk a lot. When I am in a good mood I can chatter away about anything and everything under the sun. People close to me are usually the recipients of my talkative mood. I know I bore them at times …can’t help it though

But I can’t talk with everybody. Put me in a roomful of unknown people and I can’t barely get beyond ‘hi’ or ‘hello’…I can talk only with people I am comfortable with…I can’t just open up to people and talk witty and smart. For me getting comfortable with people is a process, slow and cautious. I usually hang out in a group listening in to their conversation, figuring out who is on the same wave length as I am, then I talk to the person one on one…That way I am more confident…

I believe talking is connecting .I talk because I want to share my opinions, worries, excitement & joy…I think talking about things makes it easier to sort it out rather than process the same thing over and over in your head…it’s so much fun to share your excitement with a friend…it’s so much comforting to cry on a friends shoulder about your broken heart…Bitching about a nasty girl with your girlfriends can be such a satisfying experience…gossiping can sometimes add spice to otherwise boring life( Not too much of it.. But it’s fun to do it once in a while)…

I talk and I talk a lot…It a stress buster for me…Luckily I have colleagues in office who are equally talkative …God bless their talkative souls…A husband who is quiet but usually doesn’t mind the chatter box in me and parents who can give me stiff competition in my talkativeness…

Don’t forget to get your ear plugs the next time you visit our home…

 
4 Comments

Posted by on March 28, 2012 in Random Thoughts

 

Tags: ,