Being the only child of my parents ,sharing was almost an unknown idea to me.My husband is also the only child of his parents.So when we got married it was like a union of two people with no experience of sharing planning to share their whole lives with each other.A very difficult task.The friction could arise out of the smallest issues like sharing the wardrobe space,to using the other person’s things.It resulted in arguments and sometimes fights.But then as time passed we realised that we actually like sharing things with each other.( I like his perfume and he likes using my soft fluffy towel ) .Once the realisation came that he will use my things carefully and I should not get so possessive about materialistic things it became quite easy.I guess time teaches you things and one needs to sometimes let go.
Too many expectations spoil the relationship
When I got married I was naive ( stupid) enough to think that after marrying my Mr Right my life would be like a fairy tale with us living happily ever after.So expectations were riding high.Big mistake.Every birthday,anniversary or any special day I used to keep my expectation so high that anything that was done for me failed to really impress me.(Though looking back I now realise H really did try his best) I wanted everything to be perfect. Candle light dinners, long romantic drives ,movies on week ends ,stuff like that.But after long working hours on weekdays who has time and energy left for all that? So none of these things happened.And I was dissapointed. I cribbed and complained to my best friend. And she said ‘ Do you think you do everything perfectly all the time?’ and that struck me. I realised that even I am not perfect.I can’t cook.I am pathetic at household chores ( now improving though) but still when it comes to expecting I expect a lot without actually looking at the fact that I am also not able to live upto all his expectations all the time.I was suddenly ashamed of myself. After that I consciously started appreciating the things he did for me and kept a check on my critisism and things improved. Since I didn’t expect much anything nice that he did used to come as a pleasant surprise. I still fall and fumble on the way and sometimes expect a little too much but I try and keep these occasions to the minimum.I have learnt my lesson the hard way and hope to remember it forever.
Communication is the key
H is one person who understands my likes and dislikes better than anyone.Most of the time he can understand what’s going on with me just by looking at my face.( I love that about him) .But then nobody is a perfect mind reader. I used to get dissapointed when he didn’t get my hints, when he couldn’t understand what exactly I meant when I said something and other such things. But as time passed I realised the key to a healthy and growing relationship is communication.If I tell him clearly and nicely what I want or need most of the times he understands and does things accordingly and the same is with me.When we talk about our everyday experiences we learn and grow together and that enables us to be on a same wavelength.If there is no communication then one goes on jumping to conclusions without even checking the facts. That results in serious disconnect.Communication is part giving part receiving.Some people are good talkers; some are good listeners but both partners have to do both for good and effective communication.