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Thoughts

06 Mar

My official break starts this weekend … Official and indefinite … I had given my resignation about a month back and in exactly 2 days I would be out of my job … And in a market which is so down that there are scarcely any jobs available … Scary isn’t it ? I am now almost petrified and extremely nervous … But I won’t go back on my decision…

When I gave my resignation I was excited to be free and out of the place that I hated so much … But later on I started asking myself was it soooo bad? What if I don’t get another job soon? If I can’t handle politics in this office how would I ever manage in a bigger office ? What if the problem is me? Such questions kept cropping here and there in my mind but were superimposed and mixed with the excitement of all the things I can do in the free time I get … So one moment I was depressed and scared & in the next instant I was excited … I was an emotional pendulum going from this end to the other almost constantly.

I wondered if resigning from the job I hated without any backup plan was cowardly? Was quitting something really that bad ? But as I started thinking I realised that for me letting go of something was a problem . That’s the reason this was difficult …I have been working at this office for the last three years … Two of which were enjoyable and the last one was miserable … I kept hanging on and hoping things would get better if I put in a lot of effort … But things in office were beyond repair and all that was happening was it took a lot from me without giving me anything in return leaving me frustrated and unhappy .With this sad feelings came up a sort of compulsion to fix things and make them right and thus began the endless circle leaving me drained and miserable.

When I gave my resignation I realise I broke that circle , that compulsion to make things right …So I didn’t quit … I was strong enough to let go and make peace with the fact that something’s cant be fixed and you should just let them be …

Also by taking such a decision I am going to face a much bigger challenge that being home alone without a specific routine .Work for me was more than just a part or me it was almost my identity …It made me feel strong , independent and confident … It made me feel good about myself … But somewhere down the line I had forgotten that it was just one aspect of my life … It’s not the whole me … I need to find out the other sides of me …

So this break is going to be about discovering ME … I am going to embark on this journey to find out what is my real passion. I am nervous and scared and feel like begging somebody to please please give me a job but I am going to be strong .

I have to do this so that I come out and become a stronger person , a ME that I would be proud of .

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2 Comments

Posted by on March 6, 2014 in Miscellaneous

 

Tags: , ,

2 responses to “Thoughts

  1. Titaxy

    March 6, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    best wishes to you. i think it is brave that you have let go of something you didn’t really enjoy doing and are embarking into a new journey. good luck.

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    • emotionalsalad

      March 6, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      Thanks Titaxy !!! Appreciate the good wishes … Need loads of them for my jittery nerves…

      Like

       

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