It’s a Monday morning and I feel excited to go to office . I haven’t felt this way for the longest time but today my reasons are different .
Today I am finally going to submit my resignation and yes I am excited about it.There is a childish gleam in my eyes and H keeps on saying I didn’t look so excited on my first day.I ignore him and keep singing tunelessly ‘ I am going to be free… I am going to be free ‘…
Yes it feels like being free from a place where I felt almost trapped, from my thoughts which were so confused that I couldn’t actually do anything , from the fear of being out of work ( actually not all that true … I am still a little scared of that) .
This decision has come after a lot of thinking … To quit or not to quit … These thoughts were going on like a pendulum somewhere in my mind occupying most of my waking hours and sometimes trickled in my dreams also… It left me exhausted and I felt so helpless.
There were so many things to consider … I have never been out of work before ( except for a nightmarish month sometime in 2010) .And being home without any fixed routine scares me. I hate being home alone. Having something to look forward to gets me up every morning. I plan and chart out things and go about them. They give me a sense of control. I like planning and routines. I am not so good with dealing with changes . It was one of those major issues I had about quitting my job.Also since the real estate market is so down there are hardly any jobs available. I have given a few interviews here and there but nothing has come up as yet.
Financially also it’s difficult if not impossible . We both run the house together . That means if I quit then H would have to take up additional burdens which in turn would definitely mean cutting down on all the shopping and movies and other such entertainment things.. So the decision had to be made with his approval also .
H tried to convince me to stay in my current job at least till I find a new better one but after seeing me come home almost in tears after working overtime day after day he gave up. He just comforted me saying we can work out the financials and I should worry about only what I will do the free time since being home isn’t really my thing.
So there one of my issues was sorted. Then I began thinking of all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t do because of working full time . And surprisingly the list was so long. I have been so busy with my routine that I had forgotten to actually concentrate on me. I didn’t remember when I did something I like by myself . And suddenly I felt excited . (I am not telling you about my fun list deliberately because I am going to post about that individually once I officially quit and after finishing my notice period)
And that made me look forward to the future which was unknown but seemed exciting …. So I thought to myself that this my chance to explore what I really like and want to do …I am going to grab it with both my hands and make the best of it …
So with a tingling happy excited feeling I walk to my office to finally tell my boss “I Quit !!!”